of reading about relationships...
men want to know why women do this or that. women want to know why men do this or that. how about...who cares?
in the wake of tiger woods revealing he's had "indescretions", i can't help but wonder... what significance does this have on my life? it reveals that the man who seemed to do nothing but love his parents, wife, kids and golf...is merely a man. again, how does this affect me? not.at.all.
while i admit that i had my own scenario of the things that went down with tiger, i recognize that it was purely for my own entertainment. the events, in no way, help to contribute to my opinion of men in general.
here's the reality: i've dealt with some real idiots in my lifetime. with the exception of violence, i may have run the gamut of the wrong type of men to deal with. yet, i still know, with no doubt, that there are men out there that are faithful, honest, and just good people. my dad was one of those men. my granddaddy was too. more importantly, i know that the man that God has for me... is there. i may know him already, i may not...but i know he's there.
i can understand how easy it is to be discouraged...been there, done that. i wonder if the same people that are so busy trying to figure out what wrong with the opposite sex, are spending the same amount of time looking in the mirror and determining what's wrong with them. like it or not, nobody's perfect, and i know that sometimes the reason why we don't have what we want is because we're not ready for it. how many people found this out when their homes were foreclosed on because they got into loans that they just couldn't afford? this theory applies to relationships as well. if you're not a full person internally, how will you able to withstand being in a relationship?
that's what changed my discouragement to encouragement. i think that a mate is complementary to what you already are. if you're not whole, then does it make sense to bring another person into your own internal issues? even further, a complete relationship is two wholes joined together to form one whole - not two halves. so a couple of years ago, i decided to stop worrying about the external and deal with the internal.
the moral of the story is: stop worrying about why you're not in a relationship right now. don't worry about what other folks are doing. do.you. recognize your own flaws, fix them, and be the best person you can be. live your life celebrating who you are and who you're becoming! that's when the "birds of a feather" credo will apply. when you piss excellence, you'll attract someone that pisses excellence as well. *shout out to ricky bobby!!!* and perhaps, because of example, those around you will get their act together, and the negative cloud that seems to hang over male/female relationships will finally clear.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
today...
i had to let it go...
the reality that was my 2009 hit me square and center in the forehead... it's been... rough. rough in circumstances, but not rough in emotions. i stand firm in knowing that God has done particular things in my life this year... if for no other reason, to give me a testimony and to allow me to see my faults for what they are - and to work on them. but, i did VERY LITTLE agonizing over circumstances this year, and it seems that today, they all seemed to crash down on me.
one of the circumstances still hung over my head...one of those invisible things that you tend to ignore until sometimes the string gets weak and hits you in the face. then you just replace the string, and there it sits again...just hanging. today, i FINALLY got the message, and severed the ties to that circumstance and allowed it to hit the ground. and while it was meant to be marked "complete", in the process, in that moment, i re-lived the circumstance and felt all the pain and other emotions that came with it.
with all of that, i simply thank God that tomorrow is a NEW day... i thank God for the ability to see past the pain and be thankful for the outcome. i thank God that that door is finally shut and welcome and am thankful in advance for the other door to open. through the tears, my spirit is smiling, knowing that while today was a low, being at the bottom only means that there's nowhere to go but up...and i welcome that journey.
i look forward to seeing 2010 and seeing what God does in my life...
the reality that was my 2009 hit me square and center in the forehead... it's been... rough. rough in circumstances, but not rough in emotions. i stand firm in knowing that God has done particular things in my life this year... if for no other reason, to give me a testimony and to allow me to see my faults for what they are - and to work on them. but, i did VERY LITTLE agonizing over circumstances this year, and it seems that today, they all seemed to crash down on me.
one of the circumstances still hung over my head...one of those invisible things that you tend to ignore until sometimes the string gets weak and hits you in the face. then you just replace the string, and there it sits again...just hanging. today, i FINALLY got the message, and severed the ties to that circumstance and allowed it to hit the ground. and while it was meant to be marked "complete", in the process, in that moment, i re-lived the circumstance and felt all the pain and other emotions that came with it.
with all of that, i simply thank God that tomorrow is a NEW day... i thank God for the ability to see past the pain and be thankful for the outcome. i thank God that that door is finally shut and welcome and am thankful in advance for the other door to open. through the tears, my spirit is smiling, knowing that while today was a low, being at the bottom only means that there's nowhere to go but up...and i welcome that journey.
i look forward to seeing 2010 and seeing what God does in my life...
disturbing thoughts
today has been a rough day... so i know i'll have to split this up into two parts. let me first speak on the fact that president obama is sending 30,000 more troops into afghanistan.
a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog where a slain soldier's brother is sharing his story about his brother and his feelings about the decision that president obama has made. in reading the story, i could feel his emotion, and was touched and emotionally affected by his loss. with that, though, i also felt that his opinion about president obama's decision was emotionally biased.
now, i can completely understand how it could be, and in no way am i being judgmental in how he feels. but, the realist in me feels as though obama's decision is based on the saying, 'sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better'. i never agreed with sending troops to iraq OR to afghanistan in the first place...but i know that these events occurred under the leadership of george w, NOT under obama. AND, unlike many folks, i believe that the president that i voted for, is true to his word about his feelings about the troops being over there and that his ultimate goal is to bring them all home.
i thought it only fair to take an assessment of the situation, and recognize that if president obama was to bring all our troops home, would anything be accomplished? have the afghani people learned how to protect themselves and their land? and what about all those troops that we have already lost for this purpose? it seems that an instant withdrawal with no resolution would result in these soldiers dying in vain...and to me, that would be more of a travesty then sending more troops in to get the job done thoroughly and completely and then bringing them home knowing that the task has been accomplished.
i heard analysts speaking of obama's plan to withdraw the troops in 18 months...and it astonishes me that with as many broken promises that our last president has made, there is so much focus on a timeline vs. the actual plan itself. my immediate concern is that things are rectified and our troops are brought home, moreso then how long or how many it takes.
at the risk of sounding insensitive (which i'm not)... i cannot profess to understand how those families of the fallen feel. i cannot and will not ever understand the terrifying feeling of getting that phone call or having those soldiers show up to your door. BUT, i have gotten a phone call letting me know that my father had passed away. so i DO know the pain of losing a loved one. the difference, in my opinion, is that these soldiers made a informed choice to enter the military. one of the occupational hazards to military service is the possibility of going to war, and moreso, losing your life while serving your country. my father did not choose to get cancer. so, while i understand, i also feel it to be unfair that blame obama for not doing what you feel is best, but what HE feels is best as the leader of this country.
while i can understand that it seems as though i'm defending obama, i don't think that i am. i don't know what his ultimate plan is, i can only assume...but i know that i voted for this man to lead this country. i know that with his passion, he has united (in many ways) this country so that each individual understands their own importance in how their life ends up. i have seen him handle criticism and his criticizers with grace and integrity. i have seen him do more for this country's people (pushing a healthcare plan for more than 90% of it's citizens) in his short time in office then i can say about our last president of 8 years. does this mean that i support every decision he makes? of course not...but i support him as the leader of this country. he was put in office to do what's best for the people of this country, and i completely believe that he is dedicated to doing just that.
and to those who insist on critizing every move he makes and choose to dwell on what they consider broken promises, i challenge you to look past your own emotions, and present a solution that will benefit the country as a whole, not just your personal interests. even further, i challenge you to enter the political realm... if you want change, you have to be the catalyst for change...so since you feel you can make better decisions, get out there and prove it. and hopefully, you will not have the misfortune of having people out there that will make it their mission to prove that you are perfectly imperfect...
a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog where a slain soldier's brother is sharing his story about his brother and his feelings about the decision that president obama has made. in reading the story, i could feel his emotion, and was touched and emotionally affected by his loss. with that, though, i also felt that his opinion about president obama's decision was emotionally biased.
now, i can completely understand how it could be, and in no way am i being judgmental in how he feels. but, the realist in me feels as though obama's decision is based on the saying, 'sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better'. i never agreed with sending troops to iraq OR to afghanistan in the first place...but i know that these events occurred under the leadership of george w, NOT under obama. AND, unlike many folks, i believe that the president that i voted for, is true to his word about his feelings about the troops being over there and that his ultimate goal is to bring them all home.
i thought it only fair to take an assessment of the situation, and recognize that if president obama was to bring all our troops home, would anything be accomplished? have the afghani people learned how to protect themselves and their land? and what about all those troops that we have already lost for this purpose? it seems that an instant withdrawal with no resolution would result in these soldiers dying in vain...and to me, that would be more of a travesty then sending more troops in to get the job done thoroughly and completely and then bringing them home knowing that the task has been accomplished.
i heard analysts speaking of obama's plan to withdraw the troops in 18 months...and it astonishes me that with as many broken promises that our last president has made, there is so much focus on a timeline vs. the actual plan itself. my immediate concern is that things are rectified and our troops are brought home, moreso then how long or how many it takes.
at the risk of sounding insensitive (which i'm not)... i cannot profess to understand how those families of the fallen feel. i cannot and will not ever understand the terrifying feeling of getting that phone call or having those soldiers show up to your door. BUT, i have gotten a phone call letting me know that my father had passed away. so i DO know the pain of losing a loved one. the difference, in my opinion, is that these soldiers made a informed choice to enter the military. one of the occupational hazards to military service is the possibility of going to war, and moreso, losing your life while serving your country. my father did not choose to get cancer. so, while i understand, i also feel it to be unfair that blame obama for not doing what you feel is best, but what HE feels is best as the leader of this country.
while i can understand that it seems as though i'm defending obama, i don't think that i am. i don't know what his ultimate plan is, i can only assume...but i know that i voted for this man to lead this country. i know that with his passion, he has united (in many ways) this country so that each individual understands their own importance in how their life ends up. i have seen him handle criticism and his criticizers with grace and integrity. i have seen him do more for this country's people (pushing a healthcare plan for more than 90% of it's citizens) in his short time in office then i can say about our last president of 8 years. does this mean that i support every decision he makes? of course not...but i support him as the leader of this country. he was put in office to do what's best for the people of this country, and i completely believe that he is dedicated to doing just that.
and to those who insist on critizing every move he makes and choose to dwell on what they consider broken promises, i challenge you to look past your own emotions, and present a solution that will benefit the country as a whole, not just your personal interests. even further, i challenge you to enter the political realm... if you want change, you have to be the catalyst for change...so since you feel you can make better decisions, get out there and prove it. and hopefully, you will not have the misfortune of having people out there that will make it their mission to prove that you are perfectly imperfect...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"i hope he fails"
"i hope he fails"... this is the sticker i saw on the back of a jet black lexus lx470 that i was behind on the freeway. on the other side of the window, was another sticker that says, 'rush is right'. i couldn't help but cringe as i was stuck behind this person in the pouring rain and bumper to bumper traffic for almost an hour and a half to go 3 exits. and i was ever so lucky to have to follow this person off the exit and to within a block of my job.
everytime i looked up, i couldn't help but shake my head in disgust. what kind of world do we live in, where, it's no longer enough to just disagree, but, now you are banking on someone else's demise? further, what type of person thrives on another's downfall??? so much so, that you are "hoping" that person goes down?
it's funny because that exact sticker speaks volumes into my life and certain situations right now. i do believe that there are people that know me - in different ways and venues - that are probably thinking the exact same words. some, are very covert with their feelings - such that, aside from subtle actions, discerning that spirit would nearly be impossible; while others would proudly wear that sticker on their chests, should they have the opportunity.
well, i've been there, done that. in coming into a new perspective and a renewed and strengthened relationship with God, i say: keep hoping. what those that subliminally own those stickers don't understand is that what God has for His children...is for His children...so your hopes are meaningless because you don't have the ammunition to fight the battle. they fail to recognize that God is not going to allow those who have been obedient and are relying on Him for defense, to fail...and so while perhaps, in the short-term, it may appear that you've won...please understand that in the long-term, you haven't.
i continually pray for our president...God placed that man in a position of power for a reason and i continually pray for his safety and his mental and spiritual well-being, in dealing with what i think is absolute craziness. then i think about what i deal with on a smaller scale, and i can't even imagine trying to deal with the level of foolishness that he's at. *smh*
all i can say is: i am sitting in faith, knowing that God will provide and take care...because that's what He promised... i can't say it any better than david in psalms 118: 5-14, 17 NIV (read the whole chapter really):
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
we don't have the artillery for these battles, so why try and fight them?
everytime i looked up, i couldn't help but shake my head in disgust. what kind of world do we live in, where, it's no longer enough to just disagree, but, now you are banking on someone else's demise? further, what type of person thrives on another's downfall??? so much so, that you are "hoping" that person goes down?
it's funny because that exact sticker speaks volumes into my life and certain situations right now. i do believe that there are people that know me - in different ways and venues - that are probably thinking the exact same words. some, are very covert with their feelings - such that, aside from subtle actions, discerning that spirit would nearly be impossible; while others would proudly wear that sticker on their chests, should they have the opportunity.
well, i've been there, done that. in coming into a new perspective and a renewed and strengthened relationship with God, i say: keep hoping. what those that subliminally own those stickers don't understand is that what God has for His children...is for His children...so your hopes are meaningless because you don't have the ammunition to fight the battle. they fail to recognize that God is not going to allow those who have been obedient and are relying on Him for defense, to fail...and so while perhaps, in the short-term, it may appear that you've won...please understand that in the long-term, you haven't.
i continually pray for our president...God placed that man in a position of power for a reason and i continually pray for his safety and his mental and spiritual well-being, in dealing with what i think is absolute craziness. then i think about what i deal with on a smaller scale, and i can't even imagine trying to deal with the level of foolishness that he's at. *smh*
all i can say is: i am sitting in faith, knowing that God will provide and take care...because that's what He promised... i can't say it any better than david in psalms 118: 5-14, 17 NIV (read the whole chapter really):
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
we don't have the artillery for these battles, so why try and fight them?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Everything is NOT black or white...
it just ends up being gray...
in light of all the racial issues being brought up in society, i felt the need to speak my peace, and remembered that i had a blog, and felt this was the perfect place for it...
in the case of dr. gates and officer crowley. *sigh* do i agree with gates' response? no. do i understand his response? yes. when i think about what this man has probably experienced in his lifetime, and the research he has done in the very area of african-americans and their lives in america, i can imagine that the situation felt very similar to those that happen quite frequently all over america - that rarely make the news... "existing while black".
let me digress and say that i have friends of all races and colors...and i accept them all as the people they are, not based on anything else. in saying that, there are experiences that i've had that many of them, and non-black people, will never understand. yes, i've heard the stories of the elders in my family about the terrible things done in the south - but, i was also taught to recognize and accept people for who they are. this does NOT negate the fact that racial prejudice still exists within america.
i've been followed around the store, simply because i'm black. i've been in the car with black men, and been pulled over, simply because we are "driving while black". i've been the driver of the vehicle many times because the black men with me felt that the police wouldn't harass us if i, as a woman, was driving. i've been in situations where people grab their purses in a crowded elevator, or on a crowded bus, simply because i'm black. i've witnessed the unfair treatment of friends. i've experienced being more qualified and more educated, but still passed over for a job or promotion, and never given an explanation or rather, justification, for the decision. i'm witnessing each and everyday, the criticism, judgment and intent to defame the character of our first black president, based on his race. now, folks can say that it's not, but, what else explains the fact that no other president has ever received this kind of scrutiny and malicious attacks in the media - going so far as to ask for proof of citizenship??? (oh that's right, cuz he's a arab muslim *smh*). not to mention the attacks on our first lady, going so far as to calling her a "bitch" by comparing her to the dog that the president got for his children. (thus far, i haven't seen any behavior that would warrant such an attack)
in saying all of that, while there is no proof that explains that these things occurred because of race, it's quite ironic that i, and many of my black friends, share similar experiences with these things, and none of my friends of other races do not. with that, it's impossible for any of my other friends to possibly understand how these events shape our feelings about things, or our ideas about how society is, unless they have been there to witness, or experience it themselves.
i was watching "prom night in mississippi" the other day, and i was just saddened to see that in mississippi, there are still segregated proms. upon googling for information, i found that this is happening in georgia as well. this, alone, is proof, that racism still exists...for what other reasons can you legitimize have a prom for the white students and then a separate prom for the black students? and while other cases are most subtle, things like this happen everyday...they may not be newsworthy, but that doesn't make them any less real.
so, back to the gates/crowley situation. it was kind of amusing to me, that this story comes out about crowley teaching a racial profiling course in the police academy that feeds the cambridge police department, yet he was ignorant to whom dr. gates was - a "world-reknown" scholar who specializes in african-american research and has worked on bringing about "social, educational, and intellectual equality for black americans" working IN cambridge at harvard university. perhaps, it's just me, but, as an instructor myself and as one who has given quite a few presentations and trainings, i find it odd that crowley had such a resource so close, and yet, knew nothing about him. it makes me question what type of course he actually taught, given the history of racial profiling typically involves black americans. it makes me question his own knowledge base about the subject, and whether he is "expert" enough or qualified to even teach the course.
nevertheless, as i stated, while i don't agree with gates' reaction, there are things in me that allow me to understand it. while i know that crowley was following procedure, i feel as though at some point, he ventured to the left, and he could have handled the situation much better. hell, after hearing the 911 call, i wonder why nobody has brought up the fact that the dispatcher asked, 'are they white, black or hispanic?' this touched a nerve, in that, these are NOT the only 3 races in america, so why narrow it down to just those 3?
and to those that don't agree, understand that everyone's opinions are based off the facts as they are and past experiences. while many say that black americans make "everything about race" (please believe, i've got a part 2 addressing this issue), unless you have been black in america, and gone through things we have gone through, you will never understand the "why" behind our feelings, opinions and actions. seems that many don't understand this simple fact. and the funny part is, as a black american, we voice our opinions and move on ~ knowing that many will never understand or accept our point of view as just that. if you don't have any experiences that lead to certain conclusions, then you won't understand someone who does. at some point, we all have to respect that... not necessarily agree, but respect it and agree to disagree in our opinions.
to my diverse group of friends...thank you for being mature enough to accept our differences in opinion, and for not allowing those opinions to dictate our friendships.
in light of all the racial issues being brought up in society, i felt the need to speak my peace, and remembered that i had a blog, and felt this was the perfect place for it...
in the case of dr. gates and officer crowley. *sigh* do i agree with gates' response? no. do i understand his response? yes. when i think about what this man has probably experienced in his lifetime, and the research he has done in the very area of african-americans and their lives in america, i can imagine that the situation felt very similar to those that happen quite frequently all over america - that rarely make the news... "existing while black".
let me digress and say that i have friends of all races and colors...and i accept them all as the people they are, not based on anything else. in saying that, there are experiences that i've had that many of them, and non-black people, will never understand. yes, i've heard the stories of the elders in my family about the terrible things done in the south - but, i was also taught to recognize and accept people for who they are. this does NOT negate the fact that racial prejudice still exists within america.
i've been followed around the store, simply because i'm black. i've been in the car with black men, and been pulled over, simply because we are "driving while black". i've been the driver of the vehicle many times because the black men with me felt that the police wouldn't harass us if i, as a woman, was driving. i've been in situations where people grab their purses in a crowded elevator, or on a crowded bus, simply because i'm black. i've witnessed the unfair treatment of friends. i've experienced being more qualified and more educated, but still passed over for a job or promotion, and never given an explanation or rather, justification, for the decision. i'm witnessing each and everyday, the criticism, judgment and intent to defame the character of our first black president, based on his race. now, folks can say that it's not, but, what else explains the fact that no other president has ever received this kind of scrutiny and malicious attacks in the media - going so far as to ask for proof of citizenship??? (oh that's right, cuz he's a arab muslim *smh*). not to mention the attacks on our first lady, going so far as to calling her a "bitch" by comparing her to the dog that the president got for his children. (thus far, i haven't seen any behavior that would warrant such an attack)
in saying all of that, while there is no proof that explains that these things occurred because of race, it's quite ironic that i, and many of my black friends, share similar experiences with these things, and none of my friends of other races do not. with that, it's impossible for any of my other friends to possibly understand how these events shape our feelings about things, or our ideas about how society is, unless they have been there to witness, or experience it themselves.
i was watching "prom night in mississippi" the other day, and i was just saddened to see that in mississippi, there are still segregated proms. upon googling for information, i found that this is happening in georgia as well. this, alone, is proof, that racism still exists...for what other reasons can you legitimize have a prom for the white students and then a separate prom for the black students? and while other cases are most subtle, things like this happen everyday...they may not be newsworthy, but that doesn't make them any less real.
so, back to the gates/crowley situation. it was kind of amusing to me, that this story comes out about crowley teaching a racial profiling course in the police academy that feeds the cambridge police department, yet he was ignorant to whom dr. gates was - a "world-reknown" scholar who specializes in african-american research and has worked on bringing about "social, educational, and intellectual equality for black americans" working IN cambridge at harvard university. perhaps, it's just me, but, as an instructor myself and as one who has given quite a few presentations and trainings, i find it odd that crowley had such a resource so close, and yet, knew nothing about him. it makes me question what type of course he actually taught, given the history of racial profiling typically involves black americans. it makes me question his own knowledge base about the subject, and whether he is "expert" enough or qualified to even teach the course.
nevertheless, as i stated, while i don't agree with gates' reaction, there are things in me that allow me to understand it. while i know that crowley was following procedure, i feel as though at some point, he ventured to the left, and he could have handled the situation much better. hell, after hearing the 911 call, i wonder why nobody has brought up the fact that the dispatcher asked, 'are they white, black or hispanic?' this touched a nerve, in that, these are NOT the only 3 races in america, so why narrow it down to just those 3?
and to those that don't agree, understand that everyone's opinions are based off the facts as they are and past experiences. while many say that black americans make "everything about race" (please believe, i've got a part 2 addressing this issue), unless you have been black in america, and gone through things we have gone through, you will never understand the "why" behind our feelings, opinions and actions. seems that many don't understand this simple fact. and the funny part is, as a black american, we voice our opinions and move on ~ knowing that many will never understand or accept our point of view as just that. if you don't have any experiences that lead to certain conclusions, then you won't understand someone who does. at some point, we all have to respect that... not necessarily agree, but respect it and agree to disagree in our opinions.
to my diverse group of friends...thank you for being mature enough to accept our differences in opinion, and for not allowing those opinions to dictate our friendships.
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