"Weight-y Matters..."

someone posted this article on FB, and i definitely have some thoughts about it, so what better forum then my blog???

here's the article:

Weight-y Matters: Are Black women's extra pounds affecting their relationships?

i commend demetria lewis for addressing a topic that could be seen as controversial, but very necessary to discuss.

after reading the comments, there was one man, in particular, that seemed to dominate the conversations. many of the women were angry with what he posted. personally, i can agree with some of his points, and others, i feel are his opinions and are based on his own preferences. i would even venture to say that his comments are also based on his own personal experiences, and for that, anger never registered.

being an overweight woman, i can agree that we, as black women, are as a whole, unhealthy - we live unhealthy lifestyles...that includes eating habits, exercising, and even relationships. we tend to lean on unhealthy behaviors for comfort - eating, smoking, drinking, sex.

and so, yes, we do tend to lean on the heavier side. but, the other side of this issue is this: WHY does this affect our relationships? i think an important point to this debate is the difference between men and women. women are emotional beings, while men, are mostly physical. this is so evident when we consider the different issues with sex and sometimes cheating. while this is a purely physical act for men, the same is not true for women. this is a scientific fact. when a woman has an orgasm, oxytocin (a hormone) is secreted from her brain. this hormone is the same one that is secreted when a woman has a child, and leads to an emotional connection and sense of security with than man (just as it would with a baby). men, that was a freebie - now you understand why if you put it down, a woman finds it hard to let go of you.

anywho, back on topic...the information above is relevant in that, just as the man commented on his physical preferences, which in important to many men, there is no discussion on any other attributes that contribute to a successful and long-lasting relationship. i can't be mad at men who prefer their women to be smaller, as it's a part of their very nature...but it's amazing to me, the weight (no pun intended) put on the physical. i've seen SO MANY men become involved in what they thought were long-term relationships with women who were visually pleasing, but eventually found that their relationships were unstable due to the woman lacking other attributes that they realized were just as important, if not more important, in order for the relationship to be sustained.

women, by nature, are nurturers. we were created to be emotionally stronger then me, and to be able to handle supporting our men, raising our children, while pushing our own needs aside (thus being #2 in command). and so, it makes me wonder if these women who typically meet the physical standards have been tainted by the constant reminder of their visual appearance that they fail to recognize their true potential as a woman.

the other issue is with men. is physical appearance that high on the list that you neglect the other aspects of a woman that truly make a relationship work? i mean, i would assume that everyone wants to be with someone that is visually pleasing (i mean, if i could have idris elba - MY LAWD!), but i would hope that it's not worth the sacrifice of everything else that is really more important when it comes to a lifetime together.

i encourage all ladies (including myself) to live a healthy lifestyle. not because of a man, or what society says you should say you should look like, but because it's what you should want for yourself. and more importantly, work on your "insides"... become the woman that your future man needs and deserves. most of our physical issues derive from emotional issues (stress, bad relationships, etc.). once we alleviate those issues, we have a better chance at being physically healthy. no man can fix these things. and once we're emotionally healthy, God will surely bring that man into your life that is attracted to you, whether you're a size 20 or 2, for a lifetime.