be strong!

be strong!
for we are not here to play, dream or drift!
we have hard work to do and loads to lift
shun not the struggle, for it is GOD'S GIFT
be strong!

as i sit here watching the olympics and repeatedly hear the story of joannie rochette, an olympic skater whose mother passed away just the night before she first took the ice...and 4 days later, had won a bronze medal, i was reminded of december 12, 2001, the day my father died. i was finishing up my first semester of grad school, and had a final in microeconomics scheduled just two days later on december 14th. though my father went through an illness throughout 2001, the reality of never seeing him again, never talking to him again, and losing my bestest friend sunk in, and hit me HARD. my only concern was getting a flight home, so i could somehow conjure up his presence, feel his spirit and remember the random phone calls where i would answer the phone and he'd say, 'hey good lookin! was just calling to let you know that daddy loves you.'

yet, in still, through my grief, i realized that despite the unchangeable circumstances, my father would have wanted me to not only take the final, but get an A. econ being one my least favorite subjects would not have mattered, and as he had told me the entire time up until the week before his death when he could no longer speak, i had to rise to the occassion, meet the challenge, and do my best. and so, like joannie, i shoved grief aside and did what i had to do, ultimately making an A- in the course. i couldn't help but smile once i received my grade, knowing that daddy was pleased.

while the situation with joannie and my situation are a bit different, it still follows that all of us have an inner strength to continue going forward DESPITE whatever circumstances threaten to strangle us. it is important that no matter WHAT the situation...crazy bosses, crazier co-workers, bad kids, unemployment, mounting debt, bad relationships... we remember that we are MORE than our situations. while many things can be overwhelming, many times it is fear of failure or making our situations worse that keeps us cemented in place, and from continuing to move into the blessing that God has waiting for us. be reminded of 2 timothy 1:7 ~ "for God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." find that which is inside of you that allows you to move...and JUST DO IT! be STRONG!

"let a man be a man." ~ unknown

this phrase is commonly used in conversations amongst me and my girls. tonight, i was hanging out with a homeboy, and while i typically would not say this comment in front of a man, somehow, it slipped out. instantly, my homeboy got very animated, choosing to focus on my phrase of choice, instead of paying attention to the context in which it was used.

his argument, 'how can you, a woman, allow a man to be a man. you can't LET anyone do anything... he already IS a man!' it was then that i realized that while i needed to explain the meaning...and quickly... there may be some women who use this term that don't really understand what's meant. and even worse, don't understand the importance of the action in the phrase.

as i told him, the meaning of this phrase is tied into different things. as a woman, it is sometimes difficult to stop doing things that you are accustomed to doing for self, and allowing the man offering, to do it. as a future somebody's wife, i am constantly working on assuming the role of 3rd in command (after God and the hubby). with this, it means allowing the hubby to lead. while i firmly feel that i should be entitled to an opinion, i do not believe that i need to have an opinion on everything. and it follows that when a man shows his intentions of doing something for me, i should go ahead and allow him to do so.

my personal issue in dealing with this, lies in my past. there have been occassions when a man would offer to do something for me, and i'd allow it, not knowing that my permission was taken as a contract of reciprocity...a barter system... many times for something that i was not willing to give. because of this, my defense mechanism became not allowing any man to do anything for me. but, in my older, maturer self, i have come to find, that i needed to let go of that defense, and learn how to accept. i must thank a man from a prior relationship for that. while our relationship was not ANY example of healthy, that thing, along with a few others, are the positive lessons that i took from dealing with him.

back to the original statement...letting "a man be a man" entails us being women. and more importantly, women who are wifely. (i'm SO not sure if that's a word). personally, i do NOT subscribe to the thought that this implies that some negative traits that are inherently given to men (cheating, non-committal, etc.) apply here, though i do suppose that some women who haven't yet learned their value may settle and include that in their definition as well. and so, as i explained to my homeboy, it is TRULY not a negative connotation, but moreso a reminder to us "independents" that we need to relinquish some control and allow things to happen as they may. this includes knowing that if, upon acceptance, there is an expectation, to govern ourselves accordingly.

so, after explaining all of that, my homeboy then nodded his head, understanding the true meaning of the phrase spoken amongst women across the globe...and then he said, quite ironically if you ask me, "well, ok... but tell them that y'all should say, 'know your position!' instead!" and WHO said words don't matter??? *LOL*