cleansing...

writing has always been therapeutic for me. so, i amaze myself in how much i don't post in my own blog. *L*

today i've decided to try something new...

today's journey was so much better than yesterday. i woke up feeling light. possibly because i knew today was my day to get a relaxer (GOD IS GOOD!)... or maybe because i am dedicated to being made whole again.

two of the stylists at my shop, including my own, are Christians. and not just in word, but, we have many conversations about our studies, beliefs and simply about where God is taking us in our individual lives. being able to talk to my stylist today allowed me to release some more of my built up tension. and as i walked out the shop "whipping my hair back & forth", i had a smile on my face, knowing that i also had gained another saint that was praying for me.

so, my next task at hand is to write a letter. i've written one to this person about 3 years ago...and thought i had released everything, but with the recent events in my life, my "therapist" recommended that i write another, and truly get anything new out. after some thought, i believe this may definitely be what i need to let some more of this weight go.

while i'm waiting for God to do what He does, i find it necessary to release and then concentrate on those things that i've been thinking about changing...and just change them. i'm challenging myself on two particular things - more will be revealed later...

but until then... keep praying!!!

it's not always about you...

last week, i asked God... "WHY ME?" and in return i heard Him say, "why NOT you?"

while i wanted to be angry with that response, i simply couldn't. while i feel like i am doing most of the things that i feel i should be doing in my daily Christian walk, i realized that none of those things would (nor should) make me exempt from being put through a test.

in my mind, that sounded good.

as the week wore on, i became more and more emotionally drained...to the point where i literally spent my entire weekend in my pjs and slept more than any one person should sleep. i couldn't help feeling like i was living that old saying, 'when it rains, it pours'. it's never just ONE thing...

yet last night, i stopped asking God to do things...and just started praising Him for all He's already done. i praised myself to sleep. and this morning, i woke up feeling re-energized...until...

i checked in to one of my more intimate yahoo groups and without detail, gave a recap of my week & weekend. shortly thereafter, i got a phone call from one of my closest friends in the group who offered a quick, 'how are you doing?' and then went into a pretty substantial story about her issues at work. the entire time she was talking, i felt myself feeling as though my issues didn't matter to anyone but me. yet, i felt compelled, having been in the same situation, to minister to my friend and let her know that God has her in this place for a reason...among other things. i then found myself getting upset about my own situation, and quickly got off the phone.

and then i cried. cried for each circumstance that i find myself in... not knowing exactly what to do. amidst these tears, another good friend deemed my "therapist" called. as i relayed what had just happened, she relayed that sometimes God will put us in a situation that is not about us...for us...if for no other reason, then to remind us of what He has brought us out of.

and so now... as i cry tears of release, i can't help but thank God for both where He's brought me from, and where He's taking me to. i SO wish that i could have been prepared...but on the flip side, it's that same element of surprise and testing of faith, that allows my experiences to become testimonies and allow me to minister to others when they find themselves in the exact same place.

so, i humbly accept this current challenge. and praying for my own strength to keep believing God for all He's promised. He's delivered before... no reason to believe any differently now.