it could have been me...

so, that man spoken of in the "wow" series *slight chuckle* if facing so much craziness in his life right now, i have figured out that when God told me that He brought him back into my life to support and motivate him, while it may have been about his own life, it is definitely the time to do so now.

there's a person in his life, one that had alot of influence over his decision about how to continue our relationship, that has recently fallen ill. more accurately, she has been diagnosed with cancer. i suspect that when i spoke to him and he told me, was the same day that he found out this news. my suspicions are based on the fact that he sounded as though he had been crying, was sick, and had been screaming wrapped in one. i heard his dispair immediately, and my heart cried for him (& my eyes nearly did too).

there were some other events of that night... God showed me something... the same thing He showed a prophetic friend of mind. while i'm unsure if what we saw will be the outcome, what i AM sure of is that... while i am still deeply in love with this man, our friendship taked priority over whatever feelings i have. supporting him through this tough time trumps all, and with prayer, i am determined to ensure that he knows not only that i am here for him, but, most importantly, God is. i've showered his email inbox with prayers for healing, and prayers for strength, but, it didn't go without noticing that my responses to him have taken longer (up to an hour), to ensure that my message is not misconstrued: "i've got your back, homie".

it's with this, that i find it easy to do as instructed in luke 9 - denying myself. i'm astounded at the fact that it's VERY easy to forget abou my feelings, and to simply do as Jesus instructs. while i am conscious of my feelings, they have no bearing in showing my friend that despite his circumstances, he must trust God through this entire process. i think about the fact the Jesus prayed for people despite the fact that they were trying to persecute him. while this situation pales in comparison, the central theme is the same - as i'm sure that if Jesus were just an ordinary man, He would have felt similar to how i thought i would - why should i pray for these people when they have hurt my feelings?

the reality of life is that sometimes we have to look past "self", and walk in the life that God designed for those who believe. a friend and i often talk about how Jesus loved and did things, despite many times, those feelings and deeds going unnoticed or unappreciated. not to say that this is the case here, but as a Christian, we are called to pray for those who are unable to pray for themselves. with that, we are also called to witness and to bring people closer to God. i, in no way, believe that means for us to be mistreated or stick in situations that are unhealthy for us, but i do believe it means that we have to sometimes look past our own feelings and be obedient regardless.

this has been a reminder that despite what people do, our joy should come from no one, no place, and nothing other than God. i can type this knowing that i will do as expected of me, and provide solace for him (with no selfish intentions), pray for him, and even pray for her, with no malicious intent in my heart. i recognize that the outcome is far less important than the process. i also recognize that my love for him is pure and genuine - simply because my concern for his feelings far outweigh the concern for my own.

and so, even though the circumstances appear negative, i give thanks for clarity, and for growth. i am thankful for the opportunity to be an example for SOMEONE, and i pray that my current attitude continues and my flesh cooperates.

keep praying folks! not just for your folks, but simply for those that are in need, whether y'all are cool or not. if you believe in the power of your prayers, then look forward to changes being made, and God rewarding your obedience.