"let a man be a man." ~ unknown

this phrase is commonly used in conversations amongst me and my girls. tonight, i was hanging out with a homeboy, and while i typically would not say this comment in front of a man, somehow, it slipped out. instantly, my homeboy got very animated, choosing to focus on my phrase of choice, instead of paying attention to the context in which it was used.

his argument, 'how can you, a woman, allow a man to be a man. you can't LET anyone do anything... he already IS a man!' it was then that i realized that while i needed to explain the meaning...and quickly... there may be some women who use this term that don't really understand what's meant. and even worse, don't understand the importance of the action in the phrase.

as i told him, the meaning of this phrase is tied into different things. as a woman, it is sometimes difficult to stop doing things that you are accustomed to doing for self, and allowing the man offering, to do it. as a future somebody's wife, i am constantly working on assuming the role of 3rd in command (after God and the hubby). with this, it means allowing the hubby to lead. while i firmly feel that i should be entitled to an opinion, i do not believe that i need to have an opinion on everything. and it follows that when a man shows his intentions of doing something for me, i should go ahead and allow him to do so.

my personal issue in dealing with this, lies in my past. there have been occassions when a man would offer to do something for me, and i'd allow it, not knowing that my permission was taken as a contract of reciprocity...a barter system... many times for something that i was not willing to give. because of this, my defense mechanism became not allowing any man to do anything for me. but, in my older, maturer self, i have come to find, that i needed to let go of that defense, and learn how to accept. i must thank a man from a prior relationship for that. while our relationship was not ANY example of healthy, that thing, along with a few others, are the positive lessons that i took from dealing with him.

back to the original statement...letting "a man be a man" entails us being women. and more importantly, women who are wifely. (i'm SO not sure if that's a word). personally, i do NOT subscribe to the thought that this implies that some negative traits that are inherently given to men (cheating, non-committal, etc.) apply here, though i do suppose that some women who haven't yet learned their value may settle and include that in their definition as well. and so, as i explained to my homeboy, it is TRULY not a negative connotation, but moreso a reminder to us "independents" that we need to relinquish some control and allow things to happen as they may. this includes knowing that if, upon acceptance, there is an expectation, to govern ourselves accordingly.

so, after explaining all of that, my homeboy then nodded his head, understanding the true meaning of the phrase spoken amongst women across the globe...and then he said, quite ironically if you ask me, "well, ok... but tell them that y'all should say, 'know your position!' instead!" and WHO said words don't matter??? *LOL*