be strong!
for we are not here to play, dream or drift!
we have hard work to do and loads to lift
shun not the struggle, for it is GOD'S GIFT
be strong!
as i sit here watching the olympics and repeatedly hear the story of joannie rochette, an olympic skater whose mother passed away just the night before she first took the ice...and 4 days later, had won a bronze medal, i was reminded of december 12, 2001, the day my father died. i was finishing up my first semester of grad school, and had a final in microeconomics scheduled just two days later on december 14th. though my father went through an illness throughout 2001, the reality of never seeing him again, never talking to him again, and losing my bestest friend sunk in, and hit me HARD. my only concern was getting a flight home, so i could somehow conjure up his presence, feel his spirit and remember the random phone calls where i would answer the phone and he'd say, 'hey good lookin! was just calling to let you know that daddy loves you.'
yet, in still, through my grief, i realized that despite the unchangeable circumstances, my father would have wanted me to not only take the final, but get an A. econ being one my least favorite subjects would not have mattered, and as he had told me the entire time up until the week before his death when he could no longer speak, i had to rise to the occassion, meet the challenge, and do my best. and so, like joannie, i shoved grief aside and did what i had to do, ultimately making an A- in the course. i couldn't help but smile once i received my grade, knowing that daddy was pleased.
while the situation with joannie and my situation are a bit different, it still follows that all of us have an inner strength to continue going forward DESPITE whatever circumstances threaten to strangle us. it is important that no matter WHAT the situation...crazy bosses, crazier co-workers, bad kids, unemployment, mounting debt, bad relationships... we remember that we are MORE than our situations. while many things can be overwhelming, many times it is fear of failure or making our situations worse that keeps us cemented in place, and from continuing to move into the blessing that God has waiting for us. be reminded of 2 timothy 1:7 ~ "for God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." find that which is inside of you that allows you to move...and JUST DO IT! be STRONG!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
"let a man be a man." ~ unknown
this phrase is commonly used in conversations amongst me and my girls. tonight, i was hanging out with a homeboy, and while i typically would not say this comment in front of a man, somehow, it slipped out. instantly, my homeboy got very animated, choosing to focus on my phrase of choice, instead of paying attention to the context in which it was used.
his argument, 'how can you, a woman, allow a man to be a man. you can't LET anyone do anything... he already IS a man!' it was then that i realized that while i needed to explain the meaning...and quickly... there may be some women who use this term that don't really understand what's meant. and even worse, don't understand the importance of the action in the phrase.
as i told him, the meaning of this phrase is tied into different things. as a woman, it is sometimes difficult to stop doing things that you are accustomed to doing for self, and allowing the man offering, to do it. as a future somebody's wife, i am constantly working on assuming the role of 3rd in command (after God and the hubby). with this, it means allowing the hubby to lead. while i firmly feel that i should be entitled to an opinion, i do not believe that i need to have an opinion on everything. and it follows that when a man shows his intentions of doing something for me, i should go ahead and allow him to do so.
my personal issue in dealing with this, lies in my past. there have been occassions when a man would offer to do something for me, and i'd allow it, not knowing that my permission was taken as a contract of reciprocity...a barter system... many times for something that i was not willing to give. because of this, my defense mechanism became not allowing any man to do anything for me. but, in my older, maturer self, i have come to find, that i needed to let go of that defense, and learn how to accept. i must thank a man from a prior relationship for that. while our relationship was not ANY example of healthy, that thing, along with a few others, are the positive lessons that i took from dealing with him.
back to the original statement...letting "a man be a man" entails us being women. and more importantly, women who are wifely. (i'm SO not sure if that's a word). personally, i do NOT subscribe to the thought that this implies that some negative traits that are inherently given to men (cheating, non-committal, etc.) apply here, though i do suppose that some women who haven't yet learned their value may settle and include that in their definition as well. and so, as i explained to my homeboy, it is TRULY not a negative connotation, but moreso a reminder to us "independents" that we need to relinquish some control and allow things to happen as they may. this includes knowing that if, upon acceptance, there is an expectation, to govern ourselves accordingly.
so, after explaining all of that, my homeboy then nodded his head, understanding the true meaning of the phrase spoken amongst women across the globe...and then he said, quite ironically if you ask me, "well, ok... but tell them that y'all should say, 'know your position!' instead!" and WHO said words don't matter??? *LOL*
his argument, 'how can you, a woman, allow a man to be a man. you can't LET anyone do anything... he already IS a man!' it was then that i realized that while i needed to explain the meaning...and quickly... there may be some women who use this term that don't really understand what's meant. and even worse, don't understand the importance of the action in the phrase.
as i told him, the meaning of this phrase is tied into different things. as a woman, it is sometimes difficult to stop doing things that you are accustomed to doing for self, and allowing the man offering, to do it. as a future somebody's wife, i am constantly working on assuming the role of 3rd in command (after God and the hubby). with this, it means allowing the hubby to lead. while i firmly feel that i should be entitled to an opinion, i do not believe that i need to have an opinion on everything. and it follows that when a man shows his intentions of doing something for me, i should go ahead and allow him to do so.
my personal issue in dealing with this, lies in my past. there have been occassions when a man would offer to do something for me, and i'd allow it, not knowing that my permission was taken as a contract of reciprocity...a barter system... many times for something that i was not willing to give. because of this, my defense mechanism became not allowing any man to do anything for me. but, in my older, maturer self, i have come to find, that i needed to let go of that defense, and learn how to accept. i must thank a man from a prior relationship for that. while our relationship was not ANY example of healthy, that thing, along with a few others, are the positive lessons that i took from dealing with him.
back to the original statement...letting "a man be a man" entails us being women. and more importantly, women who are wifely. (i'm SO not sure if that's a word). personally, i do NOT subscribe to the thought that this implies that some negative traits that are inherently given to men (cheating, non-committal, etc.) apply here, though i do suppose that some women who haven't yet learned their value may settle and include that in their definition as well. and so, as i explained to my homeboy, it is TRULY not a negative connotation, but moreso a reminder to us "independents" that we need to relinquish some control and allow things to happen as they may. this includes knowing that if, upon acceptance, there is an expectation, to govern ourselves accordingly.
so, after explaining all of that, my homeboy then nodded his head, understanding the true meaning of the phrase spoken amongst women across the globe...and then he said, quite ironically if you ask me, "well, ok... but tell them that y'all should say, 'know your position!' instead!" and WHO said words don't matter??? *LOL*
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I feel like...
John Salley's character in that movie Eddie. You know, the one with Whoopi Goldberg? Yeah, so, in case you haven't seen it, John Salley plays Nate Wilson, an older, seasoned/veteran on the NY Knicks that gets called in the game because he knows the fundamentals of the game, but due to injury and age, is not a starter, but, can still play the game.
So yeah...that's who I feel like right now. As I ventured out tonight to celebrate the Founders Day of my illustrious sorority, I sought to be around my sorors but also to find a balance of being around my sorors and some testosterone as well. Needless to say, I saw a few men that I knew, one that I thought I was a potential for a relationship and others, and upon leaving the celebration, I could not help but feel... like MAYBE it's time to hang up my jersey.
After my encounters tonight, I could thoroughly understand how Nate felt in the movie. I'm single and considered older at 34, so I'm not out the game completely... but, nobody has come along to make me retire my jersey completely. So I sit there, and when the coach waves me in, I get in the game... and while I know those deadly crossovers are coming, I also know that my opponent is NOT a pure shooter, and will likely miss the basket if I stick to my game and do my best to anticipate his shot.
After much of that... I know that I belong on the bench. I'm not ready to retire my jersey until I know I'll win a championship...yet, it just seems as though I'm not on that team. The opponents get better and faster, yet, I remain the same...and until I can face an opponent who is on my same level, things won't change.
Yes, I'm interested in someone. He is what I would consider the epitome of the ultimate opponent. His entire being challenges me to be the best I can be. Yet, instead of feeling anxious that I may play him and his team, I feel at ease. I feel as though me being the player I am will be good enough and that playing against him will be enough to make me want to retire. No, I don't know if he feels the same way... I don't know if I'm the opponent that he feels is his equal...but, amazingly... I don't care. I'm going to play my game based on the type of player I am, and I may be wrong...but, I may be right. And if I'm wrong, there will always be another opponent... eventually... who I will feel the same about, and perhaps after our duel, it'll be time to retire my jersey.
But until then... I will sit on the bench...and wait for my time to get in the game...and play MY game, not this new, fast-paced, human highlight game. And believe that when I DO retire, players will recognize that I played with alot of heart, never tried to conform to the new style of play that wins games but not championships, and will be counted as one of the best in the game.
So yeah...that's who I feel like right now. As I ventured out tonight to celebrate the Founders Day of my illustrious sorority, I sought to be around my sorors but also to find a balance of being around my sorors and some testosterone as well. Needless to say, I saw a few men that I knew, one that I thought I was a potential for a relationship and others, and upon leaving the celebration, I could not help but feel... like MAYBE it's time to hang up my jersey.
After my encounters tonight, I could thoroughly understand how Nate felt in the movie. I'm single and considered older at 34, so I'm not out the game completely... but, nobody has come along to make me retire my jersey completely. So I sit there, and when the coach waves me in, I get in the game... and while I know those deadly crossovers are coming, I also know that my opponent is NOT a pure shooter, and will likely miss the basket if I stick to my game and do my best to anticipate his shot.
After much of that... I know that I belong on the bench. I'm not ready to retire my jersey until I know I'll win a championship...yet, it just seems as though I'm not on that team. The opponents get better and faster, yet, I remain the same...and until I can face an opponent who is on my same level, things won't change.
Yes, I'm interested in someone. He is what I would consider the epitome of the ultimate opponent. His entire being challenges me to be the best I can be. Yet, instead of feeling anxious that I may play him and his team, I feel at ease. I feel as though me being the player I am will be good enough and that playing against him will be enough to make me want to retire. No, I don't know if he feels the same way... I don't know if I'm the opponent that he feels is his equal...but, amazingly... I don't care. I'm going to play my game based on the type of player I am, and I may be wrong...but, I may be right. And if I'm wrong, there will always be another opponent... eventually... who I will feel the same about, and perhaps after our duel, it'll be time to retire my jersey.
But until then... I will sit on the bench...and wait for my time to get in the game...and play MY game, not this new, fast-paced, human highlight game. And believe that when I DO retire, players will recognize that I played with alot of heart, never tried to conform to the new style of play that wins games but not championships, and will be counted as one of the best in the game.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
i'm tired...
of reading about relationships...
men want to know why women do this or that. women want to know why men do this or that. how about...who cares?
in the wake of tiger woods revealing he's had "indescretions", i can't help but wonder... what significance does this have on my life? it reveals that the man who seemed to do nothing but love his parents, wife, kids and golf...is merely a man. again, how does this affect me? not.at.all.
while i admit that i had my own scenario of the things that went down with tiger, i recognize that it was purely for my own entertainment. the events, in no way, help to contribute to my opinion of men in general.
here's the reality: i've dealt with some real idiots in my lifetime. with the exception of violence, i may have run the gamut of the wrong type of men to deal with. yet, i still know, with no doubt, that there are men out there that are faithful, honest, and just good people. my dad was one of those men. my granddaddy was too. more importantly, i know that the man that God has for me... is there. i may know him already, i may not...but i know he's there.
i can understand how easy it is to be discouraged...been there, done that. i wonder if the same people that are so busy trying to figure out what wrong with the opposite sex, are spending the same amount of time looking in the mirror and determining what's wrong with them. like it or not, nobody's perfect, and i know that sometimes the reason why we don't have what we want is because we're not ready for it. how many people found this out when their homes were foreclosed on because they got into loans that they just couldn't afford? this theory applies to relationships as well. if you're not a full person internally, how will you able to withstand being in a relationship?
that's what changed my discouragement to encouragement. i think that a mate is complementary to what you already are. if you're not whole, then does it make sense to bring another person into your own internal issues? even further, a complete relationship is two wholes joined together to form one whole - not two halves. so a couple of years ago, i decided to stop worrying about the external and deal with the internal.
the moral of the story is: stop worrying about why you're not in a relationship right now. don't worry about what other folks are doing. do.you. recognize your own flaws, fix them, and be the best person you can be. live your life celebrating who you are and who you're becoming! that's when the "birds of a feather" credo will apply. when you piss excellence, you'll attract someone that pisses excellence as well. *shout out to ricky bobby!!!* and perhaps, because of example, those around you will get their act together, and the negative cloud that seems to hang over male/female relationships will finally clear.
men want to know why women do this or that. women want to know why men do this or that. how about...who cares?
in the wake of tiger woods revealing he's had "indescretions", i can't help but wonder... what significance does this have on my life? it reveals that the man who seemed to do nothing but love his parents, wife, kids and golf...is merely a man. again, how does this affect me? not.at.all.
while i admit that i had my own scenario of the things that went down with tiger, i recognize that it was purely for my own entertainment. the events, in no way, help to contribute to my opinion of men in general.
here's the reality: i've dealt with some real idiots in my lifetime. with the exception of violence, i may have run the gamut of the wrong type of men to deal with. yet, i still know, with no doubt, that there are men out there that are faithful, honest, and just good people. my dad was one of those men. my granddaddy was too. more importantly, i know that the man that God has for me... is there. i may know him already, i may not...but i know he's there.
i can understand how easy it is to be discouraged...been there, done that. i wonder if the same people that are so busy trying to figure out what wrong with the opposite sex, are spending the same amount of time looking in the mirror and determining what's wrong with them. like it or not, nobody's perfect, and i know that sometimes the reason why we don't have what we want is because we're not ready for it. how many people found this out when their homes were foreclosed on because they got into loans that they just couldn't afford? this theory applies to relationships as well. if you're not a full person internally, how will you able to withstand being in a relationship?
that's what changed my discouragement to encouragement. i think that a mate is complementary to what you already are. if you're not whole, then does it make sense to bring another person into your own internal issues? even further, a complete relationship is two wholes joined together to form one whole - not two halves. so a couple of years ago, i decided to stop worrying about the external and deal with the internal.
the moral of the story is: stop worrying about why you're not in a relationship right now. don't worry about what other folks are doing. do.you. recognize your own flaws, fix them, and be the best person you can be. live your life celebrating who you are and who you're becoming! that's when the "birds of a feather" credo will apply. when you piss excellence, you'll attract someone that pisses excellence as well. *shout out to ricky bobby!!!* and perhaps, because of example, those around you will get their act together, and the negative cloud that seems to hang over male/female relationships will finally clear.
today...
i had to let it go...
the reality that was my 2009 hit me square and center in the forehead... it's been... rough. rough in circumstances, but not rough in emotions. i stand firm in knowing that God has done particular things in my life this year... if for no other reason, to give me a testimony and to allow me to see my faults for what they are - and to work on them. but, i did VERY LITTLE agonizing over circumstances this year, and it seems that today, they all seemed to crash down on me.
one of the circumstances still hung over my head...one of those invisible things that you tend to ignore until sometimes the string gets weak and hits you in the face. then you just replace the string, and there it sits again...just hanging. today, i FINALLY got the message, and severed the ties to that circumstance and allowed it to hit the ground. and while it was meant to be marked "complete", in the process, in that moment, i re-lived the circumstance and felt all the pain and other emotions that came with it.
with all of that, i simply thank God that tomorrow is a NEW day... i thank God for the ability to see past the pain and be thankful for the outcome. i thank God that that door is finally shut and welcome and am thankful in advance for the other door to open. through the tears, my spirit is smiling, knowing that while today was a low, being at the bottom only means that there's nowhere to go but up...and i welcome that journey.
i look forward to seeing 2010 and seeing what God does in my life...
the reality that was my 2009 hit me square and center in the forehead... it's been... rough. rough in circumstances, but not rough in emotions. i stand firm in knowing that God has done particular things in my life this year... if for no other reason, to give me a testimony and to allow me to see my faults for what they are - and to work on them. but, i did VERY LITTLE agonizing over circumstances this year, and it seems that today, they all seemed to crash down on me.
one of the circumstances still hung over my head...one of those invisible things that you tend to ignore until sometimes the string gets weak and hits you in the face. then you just replace the string, and there it sits again...just hanging. today, i FINALLY got the message, and severed the ties to that circumstance and allowed it to hit the ground. and while it was meant to be marked "complete", in the process, in that moment, i re-lived the circumstance and felt all the pain and other emotions that came with it.
with all of that, i simply thank God that tomorrow is a NEW day... i thank God for the ability to see past the pain and be thankful for the outcome. i thank God that that door is finally shut and welcome and am thankful in advance for the other door to open. through the tears, my spirit is smiling, knowing that while today was a low, being at the bottom only means that there's nowhere to go but up...and i welcome that journey.
i look forward to seeing 2010 and seeing what God does in my life...
disturbing thoughts
today has been a rough day... so i know i'll have to split this up into two parts. let me first speak on the fact that president obama is sending 30,000 more troops into afghanistan.
a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog where a slain soldier's brother is sharing his story about his brother and his feelings about the decision that president obama has made. in reading the story, i could feel his emotion, and was touched and emotionally affected by his loss. with that, though, i also felt that his opinion about president obama's decision was emotionally biased.
now, i can completely understand how it could be, and in no way am i being judgmental in how he feels. but, the realist in me feels as though obama's decision is based on the saying, 'sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better'. i never agreed with sending troops to iraq OR to afghanistan in the first place...but i know that these events occurred under the leadership of george w, NOT under obama. AND, unlike many folks, i believe that the president that i voted for, is true to his word about his feelings about the troops being over there and that his ultimate goal is to bring them all home.
i thought it only fair to take an assessment of the situation, and recognize that if president obama was to bring all our troops home, would anything be accomplished? have the afghani people learned how to protect themselves and their land? and what about all those troops that we have already lost for this purpose? it seems that an instant withdrawal with no resolution would result in these soldiers dying in vain...and to me, that would be more of a travesty then sending more troops in to get the job done thoroughly and completely and then bringing them home knowing that the task has been accomplished.
i heard analysts speaking of obama's plan to withdraw the troops in 18 months...and it astonishes me that with as many broken promises that our last president has made, there is so much focus on a timeline vs. the actual plan itself. my immediate concern is that things are rectified and our troops are brought home, moreso then how long or how many it takes.
at the risk of sounding insensitive (which i'm not)... i cannot profess to understand how those families of the fallen feel. i cannot and will not ever understand the terrifying feeling of getting that phone call or having those soldiers show up to your door. BUT, i have gotten a phone call letting me know that my father had passed away. so i DO know the pain of losing a loved one. the difference, in my opinion, is that these soldiers made a informed choice to enter the military. one of the occupational hazards to military service is the possibility of going to war, and moreso, losing your life while serving your country. my father did not choose to get cancer. so, while i understand, i also feel it to be unfair that blame obama for not doing what you feel is best, but what HE feels is best as the leader of this country.
while i can understand that it seems as though i'm defending obama, i don't think that i am. i don't know what his ultimate plan is, i can only assume...but i know that i voted for this man to lead this country. i know that with his passion, he has united (in many ways) this country so that each individual understands their own importance in how their life ends up. i have seen him handle criticism and his criticizers with grace and integrity. i have seen him do more for this country's people (pushing a healthcare plan for more than 90% of it's citizens) in his short time in office then i can say about our last president of 8 years. does this mean that i support every decision he makes? of course not...but i support him as the leader of this country. he was put in office to do what's best for the people of this country, and i completely believe that he is dedicated to doing just that.
and to those who insist on critizing every move he makes and choose to dwell on what they consider broken promises, i challenge you to look past your own emotions, and present a solution that will benefit the country as a whole, not just your personal interests. even further, i challenge you to enter the political realm... if you want change, you have to be the catalyst for change...so since you feel you can make better decisions, get out there and prove it. and hopefully, you will not have the misfortune of having people out there that will make it their mission to prove that you are perfectly imperfect...
a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog where a slain soldier's brother is sharing his story about his brother and his feelings about the decision that president obama has made. in reading the story, i could feel his emotion, and was touched and emotionally affected by his loss. with that, though, i also felt that his opinion about president obama's decision was emotionally biased.
now, i can completely understand how it could be, and in no way am i being judgmental in how he feels. but, the realist in me feels as though obama's decision is based on the saying, 'sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better'. i never agreed with sending troops to iraq OR to afghanistan in the first place...but i know that these events occurred under the leadership of george w, NOT under obama. AND, unlike many folks, i believe that the president that i voted for, is true to his word about his feelings about the troops being over there and that his ultimate goal is to bring them all home.
i thought it only fair to take an assessment of the situation, and recognize that if president obama was to bring all our troops home, would anything be accomplished? have the afghani people learned how to protect themselves and their land? and what about all those troops that we have already lost for this purpose? it seems that an instant withdrawal with no resolution would result in these soldiers dying in vain...and to me, that would be more of a travesty then sending more troops in to get the job done thoroughly and completely and then bringing them home knowing that the task has been accomplished.
i heard analysts speaking of obama's plan to withdraw the troops in 18 months...and it astonishes me that with as many broken promises that our last president has made, there is so much focus on a timeline vs. the actual plan itself. my immediate concern is that things are rectified and our troops are brought home, moreso then how long or how many it takes.
at the risk of sounding insensitive (which i'm not)... i cannot profess to understand how those families of the fallen feel. i cannot and will not ever understand the terrifying feeling of getting that phone call or having those soldiers show up to your door. BUT, i have gotten a phone call letting me know that my father had passed away. so i DO know the pain of losing a loved one. the difference, in my opinion, is that these soldiers made a informed choice to enter the military. one of the occupational hazards to military service is the possibility of going to war, and moreso, losing your life while serving your country. my father did not choose to get cancer. so, while i understand, i also feel it to be unfair that blame obama for not doing what you feel is best, but what HE feels is best as the leader of this country.
while i can understand that it seems as though i'm defending obama, i don't think that i am. i don't know what his ultimate plan is, i can only assume...but i know that i voted for this man to lead this country. i know that with his passion, he has united (in many ways) this country so that each individual understands their own importance in how their life ends up. i have seen him handle criticism and his criticizers with grace and integrity. i have seen him do more for this country's people (pushing a healthcare plan for more than 90% of it's citizens) in his short time in office then i can say about our last president of 8 years. does this mean that i support every decision he makes? of course not...but i support him as the leader of this country. he was put in office to do what's best for the people of this country, and i completely believe that he is dedicated to doing just that.
and to those who insist on critizing every move he makes and choose to dwell on what they consider broken promises, i challenge you to look past your own emotions, and present a solution that will benefit the country as a whole, not just your personal interests. even further, i challenge you to enter the political realm... if you want change, you have to be the catalyst for change...so since you feel you can make better decisions, get out there and prove it. and hopefully, you will not have the misfortune of having people out there that will make it their mission to prove that you are perfectly imperfect...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"i hope he fails"
"i hope he fails"... this is the sticker i saw on the back of a jet black lexus lx470 that i was behind on the freeway. on the other side of the window, was another sticker that says, 'rush is right'. i couldn't help but cringe as i was stuck behind this person in the pouring rain and bumper to bumper traffic for almost an hour and a half to go 3 exits. and i was ever so lucky to have to follow this person off the exit and to within a block of my job.
everytime i looked up, i couldn't help but shake my head in disgust. what kind of world do we live in, where, it's no longer enough to just disagree, but, now you are banking on someone else's demise? further, what type of person thrives on another's downfall??? so much so, that you are "hoping" that person goes down?
it's funny because that exact sticker speaks volumes into my life and certain situations right now. i do believe that there are people that know me - in different ways and venues - that are probably thinking the exact same words. some, are very covert with their feelings - such that, aside from subtle actions, discerning that spirit would nearly be impossible; while others would proudly wear that sticker on their chests, should they have the opportunity.
well, i've been there, done that. in coming into a new perspective and a renewed and strengthened relationship with God, i say: keep hoping. what those that subliminally own those stickers don't understand is that what God has for His children...is for His children...so your hopes are meaningless because you don't have the ammunition to fight the battle. they fail to recognize that God is not going to allow those who have been obedient and are relying on Him for defense, to fail...and so while perhaps, in the short-term, it may appear that you've won...please understand that in the long-term, you haven't.
i continually pray for our president...God placed that man in a position of power for a reason and i continually pray for his safety and his mental and spiritual well-being, in dealing with what i think is absolute craziness. then i think about what i deal with on a smaller scale, and i can't even imagine trying to deal with the level of foolishness that he's at. *smh*
all i can say is: i am sitting in faith, knowing that God will provide and take care...because that's what He promised... i can't say it any better than david in psalms 118: 5-14, 17 NIV (read the whole chapter really):
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
we don't have the artillery for these battles, so why try and fight them?
everytime i looked up, i couldn't help but shake my head in disgust. what kind of world do we live in, where, it's no longer enough to just disagree, but, now you are banking on someone else's demise? further, what type of person thrives on another's downfall??? so much so, that you are "hoping" that person goes down?
it's funny because that exact sticker speaks volumes into my life and certain situations right now. i do believe that there are people that know me - in different ways and venues - that are probably thinking the exact same words. some, are very covert with their feelings - such that, aside from subtle actions, discerning that spirit would nearly be impossible; while others would proudly wear that sticker on their chests, should they have the opportunity.
well, i've been there, done that. in coming into a new perspective and a renewed and strengthened relationship with God, i say: keep hoping. what those that subliminally own those stickers don't understand is that what God has for His children...is for His children...so your hopes are meaningless because you don't have the ammunition to fight the battle. they fail to recognize that God is not going to allow those who have been obedient and are relying on Him for defense, to fail...and so while perhaps, in the short-term, it may appear that you've won...please understand that in the long-term, you haven't.
i continually pray for our president...God placed that man in a position of power for a reason and i continually pray for his safety and his mental and spiritual well-being, in dealing with what i think is absolute craziness. then i think about what i deal with on a smaller scale, and i can't even imagine trying to deal with the level of foolishness that he's at. *smh*
all i can say is: i am sitting in faith, knowing that God will provide and take care...because that's what He promised... i can't say it any better than david in psalms 118: 5-14, 17 NIV (read the whole chapter really):
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
we don't have the artillery for these battles, so why try and fight them?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Everything is NOT black or white...
it just ends up being gray...
in light of all the racial issues being brought up in society, i felt the need to speak my peace, and remembered that i had a blog, and felt this was the perfect place for it...
in the case of dr. gates and officer crowley. *sigh* do i agree with gates' response? no. do i understand his response? yes. when i think about what this man has probably experienced in his lifetime, and the research he has done in the very area of african-americans and their lives in america, i can imagine that the situation felt very similar to those that happen quite frequently all over america - that rarely make the news... "existing while black".
let me digress and say that i have friends of all races and colors...and i accept them all as the people they are, not based on anything else. in saying that, there are experiences that i've had that many of them, and non-black people, will never understand. yes, i've heard the stories of the elders in my family about the terrible things done in the south - but, i was also taught to recognize and accept people for who they are. this does NOT negate the fact that racial prejudice still exists within america.
i've been followed around the store, simply because i'm black. i've been in the car with black men, and been pulled over, simply because we are "driving while black". i've been the driver of the vehicle many times because the black men with me felt that the police wouldn't harass us if i, as a woman, was driving. i've been in situations where people grab their purses in a crowded elevator, or on a crowded bus, simply because i'm black. i've witnessed the unfair treatment of friends. i've experienced being more qualified and more educated, but still passed over for a job or promotion, and never given an explanation or rather, justification, for the decision. i'm witnessing each and everyday, the criticism, judgment and intent to defame the character of our first black president, based on his race. now, folks can say that it's not, but, what else explains the fact that no other president has ever received this kind of scrutiny and malicious attacks in the media - going so far as to ask for proof of citizenship??? (oh that's right, cuz he's a arab muslim *smh*). not to mention the attacks on our first lady, going so far as to calling her a "bitch" by comparing her to the dog that the president got for his children. (thus far, i haven't seen any behavior that would warrant such an attack)
in saying all of that, while there is no proof that explains that these things occurred because of race, it's quite ironic that i, and many of my black friends, share similar experiences with these things, and none of my friends of other races do not. with that, it's impossible for any of my other friends to possibly understand how these events shape our feelings about things, or our ideas about how society is, unless they have been there to witness, or experience it themselves.
i was watching "prom night in mississippi" the other day, and i was just saddened to see that in mississippi, there are still segregated proms. upon googling for information, i found that this is happening in georgia as well. this, alone, is proof, that racism still exists...for what other reasons can you legitimize have a prom for the white students and then a separate prom for the black students? and while other cases are most subtle, things like this happen everyday...they may not be newsworthy, but that doesn't make them any less real.
so, back to the gates/crowley situation. it was kind of amusing to me, that this story comes out about crowley teaching a racial profiling course in the police academy that feeds the cambridge police department, yet he was ignorant to whom dr. gates was - a "world-reknown" scholar who specializes in african-american research and has worked on bringing about "social, educational, and intellectual equality for black americans" working IN cambridge at harvard university. perhaps, it's just me, but, as an instructor myself and as one who has given quite a few presentations and trainings, i find it odd that crowley had such a resource so close, and yet, knew nothing about him. it makes me question what type of course he actually taught, given the history of racial profiling typically involves black americans. it makes me question his own knowledge base about the subject, and whether he is "expert" enough or qualified to even teach the course.
nevertheless, as i stated, while i don't agree with gates' reaction, there are things in me that allow me to understand it. while i know that crowley was following procedure, i feel as though at some point, he ventured to the left, and he could have handled the situation much better. hell, after hearing the 911 call, i wonder why nobody has brought up the fact that the dispatcher asked, 'are they white, black or hispanic?' this touched a nerve, in that, these are NOT the only 3 races in america, so why narrow it down to just those 3?
and to those that don't agree, understand that everyone's opinions are based off the facts as they are and past experiences. while many say that black americans make "everything about race" (please believe, i've got a part 2 addressing this issue), unless you have been black in america, and gone through things we have gone through, you will never understand the "why" behind our feelings, opinions and actions. seems that many don't understand this simple fact. and the funny part is, as a black american, we voice our opinions and move on ~ knowing that many will never understand or accept our point of view as just that. if you don't have any experiences that lead to certain conclusions, then you won't understand someone who does. at some point, we all have to respect that... not necessarily agree, but respect it and agree to disagree in our opinions.
to my diverse group of friends...thank you for being mature enough to accept our differences in opinion, and for not allowing those opinions to dictate our friendships.
in light of all the racial issues being brought up in society, i felt the need to speak my peace, and remembered that i had a blog, and felt this was the perfect place for it...
in the case of dr. gates and officer crowley. *sigh* do i agree with gates' response? no. do i understand his response? yes. when i think about what this man has probably experienced in his lifetime, and the research he has done in the very area of african-americans and their lives in america, i can imagine that the situation felt very similar to those that happen quite frequently all over america - that rarely make the news... "existing while black".
let me digress and say that i have friends of all races and colors...and i accept them all as the people they are, not based on anything else. in saying that, there are experiences that i've had that many of them, and non-black people, will never understand. yes, i've heard the stories of the elders in my family about the terrible things done in the south - but, i was also taught to recognize and accept people for who they are. this does NOT negate the fact that racial prejudice still exists within america.
i've been followed around the store, simply because i'm black. i've been in the car with black men, and been pulled over, simply because we are "driving while black". i've been the driver of the vehicle many times because the black men with me felt that the police wouldn't harass us if i, as a woman, was driving. i've been in situations where people grab their purses in a crowded elevator, or on a crowded bus, simply because i'm black. i've witnessed the unfair treatment of friends. i've experienced being more qualified and more educated, but still passed over for a job or promotion, and never given an explanation or rather, justification, for the decision. i'm witnessing each and everyday, the criticism, judgment and intent to defame the character of our first black president, based on his race. now, folks can say that it's not, but, what else explains the fact that no other president has ever received this kind of scrutiny and malicious attacks in the media - going so far as to ask for proof of citizenship??? (oh that's right, cuz he's a arab muslim *smh*). not to mention the attacks on our first lady, going so far as to calling her a "bitch" by comparing her to the dog that the president got for his children. (thus far, i haven't seen any behavior that would warrant such an attack)
in saying all of that, while there is no proof that explains that these things occurred because of race, it's quite ironic that i, and many of my black friends, share similar experiences with these things, and none of my friends of other races do not. with that, it's impossible for any of my other friends to possibly understand how these events shape our feelings about things, or our ideas about how society is, unless they have been there to witness, or experience it themselves.
i was watching "prom night in mississippi" the other day, and i was just saddened to see that in mississippi, there are still segregated proms. upon googling for information, i found that this is happening in georgia as well. this, alone, is proof, that racism still exists...for what other reasons can you legitimize have a prom for the white students and then a separate prom for the black students? and while other cases are most subtle, things like this happen everyday...they may not be newsworthy, but that doesn't make them any less real.
so, back to the gates/crowley situation. it was kind of amusing to me, that this story comes out about crowley teaching a racial profiling course in the police academy that feeds the cambridge police department, yet he was ignorant to whom dr. gates was - a "world-reknown" scholar who specializes in african-american research and has worked on bringing about "social, educational, and intellectual equality for black americans" working IN cambridge at harvard university. perhaps, it's just me, but, as an instructor myself and as one who has given quite a few presentations and trainings, i find it odd that crowley had such a resource so close, and yet, knew nothing about him. it makes me question what type of course he actually taught, given the history of racial profiling typically involves black americans. it makes me question his own knowledge base about the subject, and whether he is "expert" enough or qualified to even teach the course.
nevertheless, as i stated, while i don't agree with gates' reaction, there are things in me that allow me to understand it. while i know that crowley was following procedure, i feel as though at some point, he ventured to the left, and he could have handled the situation much better. hell, after hearing the 911 call, i wonder why nobody has brought up the fact that the dispatcher asked, 'are they white, black or hispanic?' this touched a nerve, in that, these are NOT the only 3 races in america, so why narrow it down to just those 3?
and to those that don't agree, understand that everyone's opinions are based off the facts as they are and past experiences. while many say that black americans make "everything about race" (please believe, i've got a part 2 addressing this issue), unless you have been black in america, and gone through things we have gone through, you will never understand the "why" behind our feelings, opinions and actions. seems that many don't understand this simple fact. and the funny part is, as a black american, we voice our opinions and move on ~ knowing that many will never understand or accept our point of view as just that. if you don't have any experiences that lead to certain conclusions, then you won't understand someone who does. at some point, we all have to respect that... not necessarily agree, but respect it and agree to disagree in our opinions.
to my diverse group of friends...thank you for being mature enough to accept our differences in opinion, and for not allowing those opinions to dictate our friendships.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
mental blocks and physical responses
ok, so the countdown has begun... i sit for the audit section of the cpa exam in exactly 6 days. now, according to the study plan that i had in my head, i'm actually right where i'm supposed to be...and up until monday morning, i thought that all was well and beautiful in my world.
then i woke up...
today is wednesday, and for the last 2 days, my stomach has acted like there is a nuclear war inside. on top of that, i just can't seem to get enough rest (this coming from someone who typically gets 5 hours of sleep). today for lunch, i studied for 30 minutes, and then i literally put my head on my desk and went to sleep for 15 minutes. i have NEVER done that before...
before the thought even comes up...HELL.NO. i'm not pregnant. unless i am a direct descendant of the virgin mary, it's not even possible.
anywho, in speaking to my best friend last night, her first words were, 'ok girl, i've known you since we were 12...and you SOUND stressed.' that shocked me...but it was the first time that i stopped denying MYSELF and embraced the fact that perhaps i AM just a bit intimidated by the importance of this exam. and so... last evening, when i got in the house, i text messaged him and asked him to pray for me. he immediately replied in the affirmative, and i couldn't help but smile.
*tangent* when you have folks in your life...pause, rewind... when you have a male in your life that has a personal relationship with God and you can ask and be assured that he will pray for you, the blessing in that is astounding...and in these situations, i always thank God for bringing him in my life - whether we're meant to be friends, or more... he's special to me, and he's been a blessing to my life. (yes, that's a whole 'nother blog to be discussed later)
*back to the regularly scheduled program* and so, i had to get in my prayer closet and ask God to remove whatever doubts, fears, stress, etc. that i had in my spirit. i can NOT continue to be sick like this everyday and perform well at work or on this exam... and i'm believing God for His healing... because... well, i have NO choice. i know He can, so He will...
then i woke up...
today is wednesday, and for the last 2 days, my stomach has acted like there is a nuclear war inside. on top of that, i just can't seem to get enough rest (this coming from someone who typically gets 5 hours of sleep). today for lunch, i studied for 30 minutes, and then i literally put my head on my desk and went to sleep for 15 minutes. i have NEVER done that before...
before the thought even comes up...HELL.NO. i'm not pregnant. unless i am a direct descendant of the virgin mary, it's not even possible.
anywho, in speaking to my best friend last night, her first words were, 'ok girl, i've known you since we were 12...and you SOUND stressed.' that shocked me...but it was the first time that i stopped denying MYSELF and embraced the fact that perhaps i AM just a bit intimidated by the importance of this exam. and so... last evening, when i got in the house, i text messaged him and asked him to pray for me. he immediately replied in the affirmative, and i couldn't help but smile.
*tangent* when you have folks in your life...pause, rewind... when you have a male in your life that has a personal relationship with God and you can ask and be assured that he will pray for you, the blessing in that is astounding...and in these situations, i always thank God for bringing him in my life - whether we're meant to be friends, or more... he's special to me, and he's been a blessing to my life. (yes, that's a whole 'nother blog to be discussed later)
*back to the regularly scheduled program* and so, i had to get in my prayer closet and ask God to remove whatever doubts, fears, stress, etc. that i had in my spirit. i can NOT continue to be sick like this everyday and perform well at work or on this exam... and i'm believing God for His healing... because... well, i have NO choice. i know He can, so He will...
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
new to this...
always thought about having my own personal blog... seems like nothing more than a cyber-diary. i'm not sure if the world could actually handle reading my thoughts, but... we're going to see. Good stuff coming soon...
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